How to avoid the friendship bucket if you want to date

Last night in PrePaired’s weekly discussion group we talked about several interesting dating topics. Especially The friendship bucket discussion revealed different views among the girls.

The question for all of you to comment on is…

After how many dates will you place him or her in the friendship bucket if nothing happens? Why?

One girl said that after three dates he is placed in the friendship bucket. The reason: she doesn’t want to waste her time.

Another girl said that the number probably was five.

The guys were surprised. They hadn’t heard this before, but this piece of information could definitely help them in their dating adventures.

At PrePaired we also aim to create an environment where individuals successfully push boundaries to see what they can achieve. Therefore, we have the PrePaired Challenges every week.

This means that we all define – with the group members’ help – what we would like to improve and then try to do just that. The following week we rock up and tell the group about our experiences and get feedback. For example, was the outcome the one we wanted and if not, what could we have done differently?

One guy was going to approach a girl and compliment her on her manicure. He managed to compliment her on her nails, but due to nervousness he then said “I’m just kidding”. It didn’t lead to his aim: a date.

However, he is going to try to do something he’s never done before next Wednesday. He will approach a girl he finds attractive on the street and this time a date might be the outcome.

One girl has no problem starting a conversation with a guy – on a friendship level. She will try to flirt with a guy by doing something she has never done before. She will look into a guy’s eyes and smile from a distance and then give him a second glance and smile again.

You’ll find out next Wednesday if not earlier how it went. We have more challenges to be revealed in coming blogs, so check the blog regularly and share dating experiences.

Together we can be PrePaired.

Get Out There and Grow…

7 Responses to “How to avoid the friendship bucket if you want to date”

  1. Rob April 15, 2012 at 7:21 pm #

    Interesting article….

    As funny as this sounds, clearly I have never been on any dates where I have been placed in the friendship zone…..having said that, I know within seconds on meeting someone whether there would be a spark or not…and whether I am heart moved to meet up with her…Dont date for the sake of doing it (unless you have a fear of asking…then definitely is a good way to move beyond it)… Make a real connection or is it somewhat forced or feeling un-natural…become sensitive to this and you will know if you are heading in the friend zone…..within a few seconds of the first date…As an example, be relaxed, be attentive, and look the women deep in to her eyes when she speaks……listen to what she says and stay present….more on that in a second….you will then feel whether this is friendship or perhaps a potential for romance……feel into it……and you will know….

    Be light-hearted and treat every outing as an opportunity to simply meet another person. That is it…….don’t feel pressured….just be completely open to whatever may come of it……whether it be friendship, intimate relationship or the mere recognition or lesson that can come out of the date…

    So back to being present……(no pun intended)….guys ever heard the saying ” a woman just wants to be listened to”…..I know I have………one thing I learnt from a beautiful woman who has now passed on….a woman finds a man’s presence and ability to stay present with her attractive……that is actually listen to what she is saying and stay present with the feelings on the first date…..that is be aware of how she responds to you…does she look you up and down during the date, does she maintain eye contact, does it feel she is being nice as a social curteousy or are you generally connecting on a deeper level…..if you are truly connecting (which if you are relaxed, most likely you will) then be open with her about liking to catch up again…….then guage her response….by being present with her and feeling into the moment, you will know where you stand…..

    And one important thing to note not gospel but perhaps a pattern I’ve noticed…
    Women find men of emotional strength, who are calm, relaxed, confident, humble, open and humorous attractive, and most importantly a man who stays present with her and listens to her words…..

    Most Importantly: Remember a date is a two way street……so don’t be scared about ending up in the friendzone…this lack of fear in and of itself will actually mean you will not be phased
    by the end result of the date. I once had a first date with a girl….it was supposed to be coffee but ended up being breakfast then a beach walk……so at the end of it….we wanted to catch up again…she felt really connected and really attracted…….throughout the date I said if I was lucky 100 words…..but I remembered everything she said…..I was completely present with her…. O we catch up again, I was playful, funny and really enjoying getting to know this girl and finding out what she was like….so…..the big question hits…..we’ve had two dates….but you haven’t kissed me….so where is this heading…….she asks……I say from my position I am enjoying your company and haven’t thought that far ahead yet….I am really enjoying spending time with you and getting to know you…..This is was my feeling on it…….because I never know how things will end up….I enjoy getting to know people and then feel into what feels right…..So my answer to her question turns out….

    ( I find out later) really put her into spin…this was a gorgeous girl that was used to men falling at her feet covered in their drool……she was stunning, with warm alluring eyes and a gorgeous smile that would melt the French Alps in an hour, yet here I was simply enjoying the process!!!!

    And that is the conclusion: Simply enjoy the process……focus on the process……on enjoying it on meeting new people and let the rest unfold organically and naturally……whatever the result, you are better off now than before…or simply having moved forward, had the date, had the experience and become one step closer to realizing (if you already haven’t) what you find attractive and essentially what qualities and how you want to feel with a potential intimate partner. And remember on your first date….feel the environment, stay relaxed and you major aim is to feel into how you relate to one another. And remember you are both in the same position….meeting a new person…and seeing if there;s a connection…

    When you are free about a result whatever the case, and not fixed on a given outcome, then you display confidence and sincerity and strength of character….and you give the feeling that
    you know what feels right…..and you know when you find it….

  2. prepaired April 15, 2012 at 8:32 pm #

    Wow Rob, thank you so much for your comment. I think you highlight some very interesting points such as “Be light-hearted and treat every outing as an opportunity to simply meet another person. That is it…….don’t feel pressured….just be completely open to whatever may come of it……whether it be friendship, intimate relationship or the mere recognition or lesson that can come out of the date…”.

  3. prepaired April 23, 2012 at 7:58 pm #

    Rob writes about what guys should think about when meeting women. During last week’s discussion a woman said that she often get placed in the friendship bucket when she wants to date the guys. What’s your advice to her?

    • Robert May 8, 2012 at 4:16 pm #

      Would be good to meet this woman to find out…….Off the top it’s hard to say for me without having met her……..what comes to mind…..is she approaching or interacting with guys that perhaps dont value her qualities enough for a relationship……I have a friend who is a beautiful girl (she is like a sister to me)……..however she always ends up in the friend zone, because men find her too expansive, to free and they dont think they can keep up with her. She is incredibly witty, funny, random and to me she would make any man an awesome girl friend..She isnt in the company of men who find her dynamic personality appealing, because they are not like that and dont think they’d be up for the challenge….but put her in front of business owners and she would have lines of MEN from Melbourne City To Shangai and back……So she started attended some business development meetings…….and she is with someone who loves her qualities….

      Also a massive thing which is perhaps difficult to practise….but I have found very valuable….you need to really embrace your singleness…..enjoy it, have fun with it….and be free as to your relationship status whatever the case…..bring this energy to dates…..or interactions….and you will notice people are drawn to you……..there’s nothing more attractive than a woman who is single, knows what she likes, is happy being single, but if she met the right person who would be happy to move forward….and when you can feel that energy in a woman and know it to be true, real and is obvious…….that’s my take on it anyway…..

  4. prepaired April 23, 2012 at 8:03 pm #

    One of the challenges last week was to find out how a guy would react if a women walked up to him in a cafe, talked for less than 30 seconds and then asked him to buy her coffee. The aim was to get a date. It is out of many women’s comfort zone to do this, do you think it would work in general? Why, why not?

    • Robert May 8, 2012 at 3:58 pm #

      Might work on me…I like coffee, especially in the morning….

  5. prepaired April 23, 2012 at 8:05 pm #

    What challenges would you like for you? What could make you grow and achieve what you are aspiring for on the dating scene? Come to PrePaired Meetup at N’s Satay Bar Wednesdays 6.30pm-8.00pm and challenge both yourself and other fun singles.

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