How my PrePaired Challenge went and feedback

Below you’ll find a summary of what we talked about during  Melbourne’s Fun Singles Make Things Happen – PrePaired 4 Now Meetup Wednesday 6 June, Wednesday 13 June, Wednesday 20 June, Wednesday 4 July, Wednesday 11 July, Wednesday 18 July, Wednesday 8 August and Wednesday 15 August at N’s Satay Bar in Melbourne. You can also read about the topics from our first Sunday meetup in Botanic Gardens on 24 June and our second Sunday meetup on 29 July at N’s Satay Bar. Please give your constructive feedback.

The topic we discussed the longest on 6 June was to work on approaching someone on the street that you would like to talk to. One woman had recently experienced a guy approaching her on the street and they went out for a drink the very same night. To approach someone you find interesting on the street is the PrePaired Challenge for a few fun singles. Another fun single will ask a girl, working in the restaurant he eats in every second day, out. We’ll also get updated about how it goes for a fun single who has set up a very interesting challenge for herself – on an island.

The topics we discussed on 13 June were what we are looking for in a partner, how our priorities have changed, dance and dating, that a slab of chocolate made a girl approach a guy, if it’s common with golddiggers etc. One PrePaired Challenge is to test speed dating for the first time and see if that could help with finding someone compatible.

The topics we discussed on Wednesday 20 June were for example the best date I’ve been to, how to interpret what a guy is after, how we say no to a date we don’t want to have, how to pay for the bill in a fun way, who message after a date and how quick after it etc.

I let everyone write on a positive thoughts card what they learned, enjoyed or a topic they would like to discuss.  These are the quotes:

Topic: “Favourite questions to ask on a date”

“Liked talking about dating experiences”

Topic: “Ideal second date”

“To get honest look on how that Saturday night went from a guy’s and a girl’s perspective”

“Enjoyed the conversation and getting together to share stories”

 The topics we discussed on Sunday 24 June were for example different venues we have tried to meet someone compatible, what new venues we can try, how the first date differ depending on what venue you met at and our background and dating goals. One of the fun singles asked: “What should a guy talk about at speed dating to spur attraction?” One fun single said it’s interesting to find out what you do if you are passionate about it. Friends to one fun single had said “Can’t believe you are single, don’t be that fussy.” This fun single didn’t like the comment, it’s important to find someone who feels right for you.

The comments on the positive thoughts cards were:

“I liked how we talked about our experiences about online dating and speed dating. I would like to try speed dating and share my experiences with others :-).”

“I’m here mostly to learn about the dating world in cultures outside mine.”

“I thoroughly enjoyed today’s conversation. I look forward to adding to Rob’s [HearttRob’s] blog.”

“Something which I enjoyed: The leader managed the discussion very well. Topics to discuss for next time: How to get to know boys/girls better.”

“Annette, thanks for organising this great event! Several great conversations – I’ve written a few notes for myself. You led the conversation like a pro! Everyone was involved – well done! The challenge idea is a good one that I will be trying.”

The topics we discussed on Wednesday 4 July were, for example, to not miss out on opportunities (illustrated with interesting and fun experiences), different way of initiating a conversation, being yourself – what does that imply for different people, do singles focus on what they want and forget to think about what they can offer, experiences we had when we did our PrePaired Challenges, what venues are good to meet someone attractive for different personalities in the group, dating successes and failures, what we expect the opposite sex to do, what kind of partner we prefer etc.

I let everyone write what they learned, enjoyed or a topic they would like to discuss. These are the quotes:

“We need to go together, as a group, to a bar and try things live.”

“You can start as friends first.”

“Can men and women really be friends?”

“How to ask a girl out while she is at work and doesn’t wanna talk at work?”

“What are the rules of dating?”

“Be more confident, approach more, have fun. Next topic? How to get out of the “FRIENDS” zone.”

“It was interesting for me to hear other people’s perspective.”

“I’ve learnt that to attract a girl you should be funny, make her comfortable and interested in you? How to do it? Certain ways/approaches.

“An idea struck my mind from what Will told us. To say that I’ve come from overseas and looking for a friend. I learned a lot and had fun.”

“Your life begins outside your comfort zone.”

On Wednesday 11 July we talked about how our PrePaired Challenges went. One fun single had realised how much physical appearance mattered to him and another fun single had tried to get a date, but hadn’t felt any chemistry and therefore hadn’t asked the contacted people out. We also discussed what we are looking for and venues that can be worth visiting etc.

These are quotes written on cards re: what the fun singles enjoyed, learnt and topics to discuss:

“like knowing how other cultures date. Board game speed dating is a good idea.”

“Shamanic healing is cool, smile!”

“Board games, movie group.”

“Different generation, same duration.”

“Sometimes you have to engage in conversation no matter what the outcome.”

 “Feel the fear and do it anyway.”

On Wednesday 18 July we talked about, for example, giving and receiving compliments. When was the last time you gave a compliment to a complete stranger? When was the last time you received a compliment from a complete stranger? Few could remember. We decided that for next week, we will give a stranger we find attractive a genuine compliment and see the result. One fun single told us several weeks ago that a complete stranger gave her a compliment and they started talking and went for a drink with her friend in the evening.

One fun single told the group that he was approached by a woman at a bus stop and they exchanged numbers and went for a date later. Another fun single asked why his strategies to approach girls in the supermarket and mall hadn’t worked out well. The fun singles gave some very good advice about what to think about and how to think about the situation. We also talked about benefits of speed dating.

These are the comments from fun singles written on cards in the end of the meetup:

“Interesting – different people from other nationalities. Enjoy meeting new people.

This fun single learned about “Do’s and Don’ts.”

“I really enjoyed the new people I met and ideas.”

“Meeting new people.”

“Interesting way to meet new people and share what to do and not to do when approaching man/woman.”

“Great people! Fun night.”

On Wednesday 25 July we talked about different approaches that have worked well to get in contact with someone attractive. We developed small PrePaired Challenges to get out of our comfort zones and discussed how last week’s PrePaired Challenges had worked out for us. It was great to hear that just a small challenge could make someone grow substantially.

On Sunday 29 July we talked about what to think about and what to avoid when striking up a conversation with someone we find attractive. We established that after you’ve built rapport, instead of asking directly for the phone number, it’s usually better to invite him or her along to something you are doing within a week , say that you’d like to continue the conversation and suggest a quick coffee another day or to do something he or she likes doing and you’d like to try. We also discussed that it’s a good idea to avoid asking if the person is single the first time you talk, since some singles find the question too direct and say no. If the person you find attractive feels the same, it will show by the fact that he or she would like to catch up with you again.

We also talked about dating goals and the next steps to reach those goals. One fun single has recently changed small things in his appearance to reach his goals and it has had dramatic effects. For some singles it could be to look people in the eyes when he or she says hello, smile and work on being more relaxed and attentive during a conversation. It’s helpful to remind yourself of the obvious, that you are equal even though you are extremely attracted to the person you are talking to. Most people find a person who knows his or her own worth more attractive than someone who looks anxious and feel inferior to other people.

One fun single shared that she had changed her perspective and had become much more confident. She stated that life is short and she wanted to enjoy it as much as possible.

We also took up several small PrePaired Challenges to get out of our comfort zones and get closer to our dating goals. One fun single will strike up a conversation with five attractive women the coming week and ask one of them out. Another fun single will start a new activity he likes to enlarge his social circle and a third fun single will attend a social dance evening.

Jai introduced the much appreciated game “why and because”. We had a great laugh. Thank you.

This is what the fun singles wrote on our PrePaired feedback card:

“Guys and girls react in similar ways to strangers. Be candid instead of premeditating your dialogue.”

“I like the fun game of why and because, great!”

“This group is very good and I have learnt a lot! Girls are few though! Creating some activity relevant to the topic can be helpful too. To meet different tastes. Special thanks!!!”

“It’s nice to learn something new about dating.”

“I like the why question: What guys/girls are looking for in a relationship.”

“Deny or Defy but attraction plays a big part to start a conversation and then the chemistry, common interest etc.”

“Take home message: Smile + speak from your heart. C’est oh! Natural!

On Wednesday 8 August we covered many different topics. One fun singles gave his view on relationships and what kind of life he lives, a view which is very different from what many fun singles express. His willingness to share created a great discussion. It’s fantastic to see the openess and honesty in the group.  We learn a lot from each other.

One woman told us that doing a PrePaired Challenge had made her feel great. She had decided to go out and strike up conversations and happen to meet a few people she had a laugh with in a bar for two hours. Another challenge for one of the guys had been to give compliments to women he found attractive. It went really well.

For next time, we have a few different PrePaired Challenges. One guy will start talking with a new girl in a restaurant, instead of continue pursuing a girl there who is not into him. Antoher guy will say hi to five different attractive girls and if they say hi back, strike up a conversation.

We discussed what characteristics that are important to us. One woman strongly prefers someone who is interested in watching sports, while another woman doesn’t want someone interested in golf for example, due to her experiences. We also went around the table letting everyone say something that they didn’t like, for example one woman can”t stand bad spelling or a guy shorter than her and a guy doesn’t want a girl who talks too much. Another guy can’t stand when a girl doesn’t have an opinion, for example, what she wants to eat in a food court.  One woman fully agreed. A third guy shared that he know a perfect girl, but she is so slow with everything. We talked about that it is can be easier to say what we don’t want than what we want. A guy made a good point regarding that many people go out to bars and clubs with a lot of negativity and may not give almost anyything a go. He also said that guys more than girls go out to find someone.

One guy brought up the book 50 Shades of Grey and that guys today are in a problematic situation because they are supposed to listen and resist the impulse of coming up with a solution directly, while at the same time being dominant. He gave a metaphor of a tree that need to be flexible enough to bend for the wind, if to stiff, it will break and if too flexible it will fall.

We all agreed that it’s good to agree to disagree and hearing someone else’s view even if it’s totally different from yours. It opens your eyes. Someone who always needs to win an argumentation is very hard to be with.

Give your view. What would you like to discuss next time?

On Wednesday 15 August we spoke through the following items:

Is there a formula that we set for ourselves when it comes to dating duration and timings?

Why do we feel compelled to shut down or reject someone’s advances rather than go with the flow?

Challenge: to approach someone that you are attracted to with the sole purpose of making them feel special… by way of complimenting and actively listening. This will make the discussion about them rather than you and your own checklist gratification.

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