HeartthRob – let’s chat…

PrePaired introduces HeartthRob who will write about his dating experience and discuss different topics relating to dating. He wants you to give your opinion. Do you agree with him or do you see it in a different way? Let us know and join the discussion.

…some women don’t know their worth…but when they discover it…such an attractive beautiful quality which mixed with humility brings a certain magic to their presence….

HeartthRob

14 Responses to “HeartthRob – let’s chat…”

  1. Robert May 14, 2012 at 1:53 pm #

    **Results of my weekly challenge: Ask a girl at a coffee shop to buy me a coffee.**

    So I’m in this cafe on Carlisle Street, St Kilda I’ve just finished training and am in line to
    get a coffee for takeaway. In front of me is a long line that almost spans the entire cafe…
    Perfect. In front of me this gorgeous 5”10 Jamaican girl…..she hops off the phone….

    So I say to her cool accent Buju Banton would captivated by. (Buju Banton is a famous Jamaican reggae artist)….She acknowledges it. And we are chatting about the day, what she has planned etc…how she is here visting.

    I’m Rob I say. She says I’m Jacinta. Not often guys chat to me in line at a coffee shop she says.
    I respond “me neither”.

    I would never ask a woman to buy me a coffee. Makes me feel like I’m at line at the unemployment benefits, but this is a challenge, so I intend on overcoming all limitations, let this be one of them.

    So she’s doing the talking and I’m listening. There is a pause. So how about you buy me a coffee later today seeing as you’re on holidays. How’s 3pm sound. Her response. You’re an arrogant guy aren’t you.

    My response “You’re spot on and you have great judgement”. So how’s 3pm….So at 3pm I picked her up from where she was staying and we had coffee for an hour or two which then led to lunch and we caught up later that night for dinner.
    Great connection, lots of laughs, openness.

    Thought: let things develop naturally and the conversation flow. Feel into the space where you already feel connected even before you start a conversation. Have a nice, calm, strong voice and this will allow you to be, feel and appear relaxed….makes the conversation
    go smoother whatever the end result…..relaxed = strength, that you are comfortable with yourself and emotionally calm.

    **What mistakes women make in search for their perfect partner**

    In short know what attributes you are looking for and why you are looking for them.
    Why are they important to you.

    I met a previous girlfriend who knew exactly what she wanted. A man who was strong emotionally, caring, compassionate, random, fun, humorous, adventurous, patient, supporting of her dreams and ambitions and romantic in a natural way.

    The nicest element of this gorgeous woman was that although she knew what she wanted in her perfect partner, she was happy without her perfect partner. She had a fulfilling life, was comfortable in her own skin and where she was at in life and she truly saw our relationship as an a bond of happiness and respect. The fact that she knew what she wanted and was open to the possibility of meeting that person, but not on a desperate seeking mission to find him, made me want her even more. She was relaxed and felt already completely connected to her heart.

    So be open to the possibilities of meeting that someone and know what you like in a man: what is important to you.

    And when you meet that person that feels right get to know each other and feel into whether it feels right. In the case that you happen to do this, don’t be too quick to judge whether they are that perfect partner for you.

    Once the social front is uplifted and he opens up, you could be pleasantly surprised. Socially I’m very active and talkative, but when someone requires my attention and support I simply listen and respond only when asked. But when you first meet me you’d never pick that about me.

    **Why/Why not is it great to have sex on the first date.**

    This is a much talked about topic and is open to so much pros and cons.
    Firstly, for me I love to get to know someone first, especially if I feel there is a possibility of it leading to a deep, fulfilling, fun relationship. In the times I’ve had sex on the first date, then that person has either become a one night stand (or 3 night stand) or a mutually beneficial casual relationship. So for me, if I feel it could lead to something sex for me on the first night ruins the element of sexual tension building.

    An advantage though is that at least you know straight from night one if there is true sexual and intimacy chemistry. As an old fashioned as this sounds, I highly value and enjoy the courting phase of a new potential relationship. Helps build the magic, sexual tension and allows me to really get to know a woman, to the point where when it does happen you can feel even more connected as there has been some emotional bonding and mutual emotional respect built.

    Nothing more attractive than a woman who values the process of courting first. Keeps me guessing and makes me appreciate intimacy with her even more so when it does happen. So in conclusion, if you feel it could be a potential for a committed relationship, why go fast if you think it might last. Let it naturally progress whatever the case

    **Why dinner instead of coffee: Pros and cons**

    Catching up for coffee: can be as long or as short as you like.
    You can cut it short if you feel there’s no connection for you.
    It is casual and can be something business people or friends do.
    Basically can be a preliminary meeting to see whether you can connect or not and a good
    decider as to whether you want to have dinner or another outing with that person.
    For a romantic date, I don’t do coffee. I leave catching up for coffee for friends.

    I once met a girl through a friend named Kerrie. She wanted to have a coffee and catchup.
    I responded great we can have one with breakfast. She laughed and said “wow you really take it to the next level don’t you. I said yeah, breakfast is so much more fun..and you get to see the crazy things I eat for breakfast.

    So commit the time, worst case scenario you will know by the end of dinner how you feel. Whether you will remain friends, so each other again romantically or simply get more indication of what your potential partner could be.

    I once went out on a date where it became apparent we thought very differently and as much there was sexual attraction there was lacking chemistry on both sides. So we spent the night discussing what we find attractive and “relationship worthy”.

    To our surprise this openness created the chemistry and we dated for a year until she went back to Germany.

    Don’t be frightened to commit to dinner. There are no bad dates or uncomfortable situations, just opportunities to grow and learn.
    If you are uncomfortable and want it to end persist in it. It is awesome training for when you have arguments or discussions when you are in a relationship where walking away and avoiding circumstances shouldn’t be an option.

    **How to stay in the whoho bucket.**

    Don’t take your partner for granted.
    Treat each experience with your partner as a new adventure.
    Listen to your partner and work as a team.
    Keep the intimacy and closeness alive.
    Live the relationship as if it could end tomorrow, that being don’t take them for granted. They will not always necessarily be there,
    so treat them right.
    Continue to be random and give your partner presents or do special things to keep them guessing.

    With my previous girlfriend I kept her guessing almost every minute of our relationship. She never knew what was coming next.
    4 months into the relationship, we were at a restaurant we’d never been to. She had a rough day and she told me about it early that day.

    So what to do, I listened to her at dinner and completely understood why she was so upset. So I request the bill, and already planned with our waiter in advance a little surprise. Inside the bill, was a message.

    Christina,

    Don’t’ pay the bill…Look underneath…..
    The message read….I know you’ve had a really challenging day……so I got you a little something.. It was a paid voucher for a day spa and massage…….and then underneath that a smiley sticker with a note….from one gorgeous smile to another…..

    Live the relationship like it is still fresh and alive…..no matter how long you’ve been together organise special intimacy dates…Don’t get caught up in the routine….get caught up in the magic, excitement and fun. Keep your partner guessing and keep them mesmerized by your random and beautiful gestures. Don’t let your attention wain and assume “I’ve got this person now”.
    When the magic and your effort towards a relationship vanishes so can your partner.

    **How fast send text after first date and thank…**

    Send it within an hour. Acknowledge the time you spent together and keep it light.
    Assuming you had a good connection: “Thanks for a great night. It was a lot of fun
    Look forward to our next little adventure… Peaceful sleeping…..

    For me this works well, because every event in life is an adventure.
    I’ve texted every date I’ve had an hour later and have always had a second date.
    As a male shows you don’t play the “wait even though I don’t want to game” to communicate”.
    If the text is from the woman, it shows they where appreciative of the evening and is comfortable
    showing that, which in my books is extremely attractive sincere.

    If it is really late, leave it to the morning, but don’t wait more than a day to text her back.
    Acknowledge the time you spent together, and if you can’t find 3 mins to text her thank you
    within a 24 hour period, how do you think you’re going to find the time to spend with her.

  2. Annette May 15, 2012 at 8:17 pm #

    Re: **Why dinner instead of coffee: Pros and cons**

    I think you have a good point regarding “Don’t be frightened to commit to dinner. There are no bad dates or uncomfortable situations, just opportunities to grow and learn. If you are uncomfortable and want it to end persist in it.”

    You can definitely learn to give other people more time to see if there is something there. However, we are many people who have learned through experience what kind of personality we click with and what things we can’t compromise. I feel it’s better to commit to a quick coffee and if I want to get to know him more, I can always take the initiative to suggest a second date. Sometimes you just know the first hour if you work well together and I prefer to make it possible for the guy and myself to leave easily if we would not feel there is a connection or common ground to build on. In that way we give ourselves more time to find someone compatible.

  3. Robert June 18, 2012 at 10:53 pm #

    **Who Pays On the First Date**

    In short if a woman insists to pay half you’re most likely in the friend zone, If she offers
    to pay that is a nice gesture. Cutting to the chase, pay when she’s not looking…bathroom visit is awesome but have no expectation of mandatory intimacy because you have paid the bill. This will allow you to feel into how your evening is developing.

    Be a gentleman because you want to.

    • Katalin June 22, 2012 at 8:05 pm #

      It doesn’t matter who pays on the first date. If there is no chemistry paying for dinner doesn’t make it better. In Australia it’s not customary anyway, and it can make a woman feel patronised if her partner wants to pay. Sadly also, cheekiness seems to work much better than being a gentleman – how boring too…

  4. Robert June 18, 2012 at 10:55 pm #

    **You Know Want To Be Friends Early On**

    Fortunate enough to be born with woman’s intuition, I know within seconds if I find a woman romantically or sexually attractive. Not everyone is aware but being completely present you know your feeling on someone.
    So, if you know that the person you’re having a date with you see as a friend (such a loose and polite term) then say it….make it clear.

    I once had a date in the past with a woman I knew I didn’t want anything sexual with or romantic with, so I said it “I feel we will make great friends, and I feel you have some healing to do from your previous relationship, which I completely understand. So I would love to catch-up with you as a friend, because I value your company. We are still friends to this day……

  5. Robert June 18, 2012 at 10:56 pm #

    **Sometimes all statistics don’t say anything.**

    What’s on paper doesn’t necessarily translate to mesmerizing chemistry. As a business owner I see life a certain way. I am direct, have no emotional baggage (cannot remember much of it anyway) and see life as an abundance of freedom and opportunity. So on paper I’m attracted to business owners, spiritual people, people with depth, real people and people who are passionate about life no matter what it looks. So the obvious choice on paper is business owner who is passionate, someone with humour, who sees life as a journey and has some depth. So I went out on a date with a business owner, all the stats apparently match up……Result no chemistry at all. What we think we like is illusion, unless we know ourselves really well…..look for the feeling, not the stats.

    I once dated a doctor, we had two similar interests: breathing and sports. The minute we spoke we were on the same planet. We were both smart arses, knew how to laugh and both were emotionally free.

    So look for personality attributes you are attracted to. At times stats are more useless than a glass of full cream milk to a lactose intolerant
    5 year old girl. Go on feeling first.

  6. Robert June 18, 2012 at 10:57 pm #

    **The hug tells it all.**

    In short the way a women hugs tells me everything. The first date hug has always been a representation of our chemistry (or their lack of) both emotionally and physically. Can also be a good judge of someone’s warmth as a person. Not gospel, but in my experience applicable.
    If you don’t know how to give deep loving hugs, see my brother Andrew…he is the master.

    • Katalin June 22, 2012 at 8:14 pm #

      Spot on…

  7. Robert June 18, 2012 at 11:01 pm #

    **Drop the filter**

    Perception is a classic thing. Picture this. 2 separate dates, two separate outcomes.
    Date 1: Met through a friend. She loves my humour, I like her rebuttals. So at the first date, she says I like you. However, I feel you may get bored with me and I think you’re a charmer who will most likely meet someone else. So I ask interesting perception, what made you come up with that??? Her response: you’re funny and charming and you look like you’d be a player.
    My response: How looks deceive and the only playing I’ve been doing lately is tag with my 7 year old cousin…..Wrong suspect….She laughs her arse off. Her filter made me realise, not for me.

    Date 2: Stranger at coffee shop. Gorgeous blonde Norwegian….First date…I never get approached by guys…they think I’ll be a bitch. My response I was hoping you were!
    Laughter erupts….ice shattered.

    Her feedback: bet you have the same problem hey. I read past all that very quickly. I feel your sincerity. We dated for a year until she had to look after her mum.

    So give people a chance, don’t assume anything…the most aesthetically gorgeous people can be the most deep, warm, caring, sincere and loyal partners.

  8. Robert June 19, 2012 at 1:00 pm #

    **The One Debate”

    Highly controversial and the wrong answer when in a deep committed relationship will have
    the pepper shaker end up in your head or have your TV smashed. Known of this to happen.
    Friends names not included to avoid sheer embarrassment and shame!!!

    So does the one exist. Many guys I know say no!!! Many girls I know say yes”… Not sheer
    utopia and the perfect relationship, but the one that shines…that the connection is more solid then a sumo wrestler.

    They do exist. That person that understands you and vice versa, in harmony, balance and unconditional love. Where respect is obvious and you work through things as a team. Where openness is painful at times, but bonds you further.

    If this is limited to one then it makes it tough to move on should something happen.
    Let’s say your partner who is the “one” passes away or you have to free them to be of service to a family member, you would never be able to fully love or be truly open every again, knowing the one had been and gone…and that anyone
    else isn’t and never can be.

    Maybe then it is the one at a certain point and there are certain special individuals where when we meet them we feel a obvious undeniable heart response and magic…..and not limited to one person necessarily through our life’s journey of romance.

  9. Ross June 19, 2012 at 1:38 pm #

    This is my first comment on this blog. I hope to attend one of the events sooner rather than later. I’ve done coffee for a first meeting because it’s safe and non-threatening for both parties, and you can arrive and leave separately. So far I’ve had mixed results with this approach.

    • prepaired June 20, 2012 at 12:35 pm #

      Hi Ross

      I agree with you that it can feel safe. I’d love to hear more about your mixed results with this approach since I believe your experiences could help many singles.

  10. robert gereige June 20, 2012 at 4:36 pm #

    Do tell….I don’t play safe….but would love your stories….in modified or specific fashion……whatever you are comfortable with…

  11. Ross June 21, 2012 at 10:20 am #

    This approach usually works well if you’re meeting a woman for the first time. It’s a good icebreaker and if you meet for up to an hour, it gives you a good idea of what the person is like and if there is a connection between you, and if you want to see more of them. From there you meet the person in different settings, but still in public. In some cases I’ve only had a couple of meetings, but in other cases several. That’s what I mean by “mixed” results. I’m happy to go into more detail if you contact me directly. I’m looking for a long term relationship, and so I’m quite intentional in how I’m going about it.

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